The Perfect Storm

This year has passed so quickly! I look back and remember all of pain, loneliness, depression and confusion and tears. In the next breath, almost as whisper I see some of the laughs, the joys, the triumphs. I see where I had fallen and I see where my Lord helped me to my feet and placed the cross on his own shoulders. How small is my pain when compared to his? I also see my friends, no, not the ones that are friends by word only, but the caring,, loving and supportive friends whom give me their strength to lean on when I can no longer stand. I see the majestic actions of my care giver, my best friend and wife. She certainly has help carry me putting her needs second. I know she cries when she is alone, afraid and prayerfully asking for strength. As I prepare for the upcoming holidays, knowing they could very easily be my last, I remember that is true of a lot of people, ill and well alike.

Indeed, I ponder this Thanksgiving and the old question about what we are thankful for. I know already what I am I thankful for. I am thankful for all of it, the pain, joy, depression, triumphs and failures, the confusion and the clarity, my faith, my Lord and Master and all the angels and saints, friends and family whom refuse to let go of me even when I would prefer it. I am so utterly thankful for my friend, my love, my wife. She has stood when I could not, held me when I could not, fought for us when I could not and she makes me laugh regardless how dark the world may seem to me.

I am thankful for 2009 and hope and pray that I can see and enjoy my life even fuller in 2010! TIme to enter into the holidays with a sense of value, faith and heart filled with compassion.



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And the trearments go on. I have come to expect or even need my weekly infusion. You can always tell how I drag the 48 hours prior or after. In between however I feel great!

This week is odd but I got my infusion a day later. I also am dealing with the altitude and a slight cold bug. Next week should be better.

As the Yo-Yo goes...

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There are so many things I would like to do. But the list continues to grow as does my confusion or fog. (Encephalopathy) This week I have been very tired and actually fell a couple of times! Seems like there is no coordination between my thoughts and the movements of my arms and legs. The hands one really hurts as it causes me to be embarrassed as I try to seen out emails and site updates. The typo's are many as are the confusing paragraphs.

The infusions give me such a boost for about four days and then I start to run down a tad. Of course if I over do it I get depleted sooner. (Which I think I did over the past week or so.) The edema is right building but I am still able to somewhat manage it. As a matter of fact, my labs have been fairly stable. I have been 2+ months out of the hospital! (Which is like a record for me.) As things change we, (the doctors and I ) make some changes here and there to get them back under control. Of course as time passes these are not going to work as well.

Still hoping and praying for a new liver. DI and I are thinking about going back to to my hometown for about a week. So many of my family members come to see me and give me strength and hope. Plus I think Di gets to relax a little since family will be there to help. Of course I really love traveling around town and showing Di where I grew up.

Happy Birthday U.S.

Today is the 44th time that I have celebrated this wonderful holiday. This holiday is more than wars and battles, indeed this everyone's holiday. There are many roles that make up this country and keep it ever growing and maturing.

From soldiers to mail men, to bakers, to teachers, to Police and Firemen. All walks of life contribute to this wonderful country that we celebrate. That is something we as Americans can and should always take pride.

Our country protects many of our civil rights and responsibility. Yes we have responsibilities too. To know and uphold the laws of our country and be careful not to violate them. To support and respect elected officials even if you did not vote for them. To be a shining representative when interacting with people from other countries.

So may God bless America! And may she remain the beacon of hope and a reminder of what Freedom and Faith can achieve.

Weather

Looking back... such is Life.

I remember when I was younger I would accompany my grandmothers to the grocery store. Often my energy and eagerness would get the better of me and I would find that I had lost my grandmother! This happened often and to my dismay I would have to retrace my steps and would find them along the way. The remainder of the trip I would have to remind myself to slower my pace. Once I did this, I found I actually started enjoying shopping 'with' my grandmothers. It no longer was a task, but a pleasurable event. Many times they would talk about their youths, recipes and other family members favorite meals. As a matter of fact I was always quick to volunteer to take them.

Today I am getting ready to go into yet again another surgery. I have spent once again another perilous week fighting for my right to survive. (Almost a common daily thing for me any more.) Each hospital stay I have fewer and fewer visitors. I yearn for conversations that have nothing to do with my health and even setting up events a week in advance. (Being the optimist.)

I love my family and friends and can understand the tugs and pulls they feel to get on with their lives. Once in a while they stop, look around and back track to find me. That is fine, because I understand.... such is life. I will be here waiting to hear about what they have been up to and hopefully share a few laughs. What more can you ask from life?